I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
