There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
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