wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
