i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
