i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
