Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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