her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize