this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
