Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
