Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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