Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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