i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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