Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
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threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
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I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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