marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
