Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
