hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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