Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
