her vagine was all disorganized.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
