:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
