so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
