I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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