i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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