u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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