Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
