U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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