ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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