I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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