it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's never too late to be topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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