So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
