The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
