Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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