she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
