we have pet lesbian snakes
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
