I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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