awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"