she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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