he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I look better un-naked...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
