it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
