I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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