Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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