I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
