i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I intend to get homeless drunk
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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