I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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