yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
