He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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