put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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