don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize