I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
