Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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