I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
