Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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