he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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