Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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