i permit you to call me
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
