Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
