I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
