i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
