just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
tequila makes me forget i have legs
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
