To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
