listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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