With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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