Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
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Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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