I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
